


a silent i love you

by secondchancesunshine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, POV Sakusa Kiyoomi, Post-Time Skip, Short & Sweet, no beta we die like daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29921868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondchancesunshine/pseuds/secondchancesunshine
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes he’s in love with Miya Atsumu on the setter’s last day in Japan.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	a silent i love you

**Author's Note:**

> hi there! this is my first venture in getting back into writing and sakuatsu became my ultimate hq ship ever since it became a thing, hence this humble offering to the fandom 💖
> 
> [p.s. i tried to research about the league but i somehow only found few info so... if the reason atsumu's leaving is vague, can we please let it slide lol & i wasn't confident in writing his accent so please also don't mind that detail, thank you! 🤍]

Sakusa Kiyoomi realized he’s in love with Miya Atsumu on the setter’s last day in Japan. Right in the airport wait zone, no less.

It happened not in the way movies made it seem to be. The world didn’t go slow motion when it clicked. His heart wasn’t about to jump out of his chest or throat or anything. There was certainly no urge to do a last‐minute confession against the last‐minute boarding call for Atsumu’s flight (in fact, there was still three hours before Atsumu’s actual departure).

In reality, it was less of a staggering discovery and more of a passing thought. Kind of similar to when Kiyoomi’s in the middle of doing whatever—like catching his breath as the whistle that signals the end of practice resonates in his ears or lounging on his kitchen counter early in the morning as he cradles a warm mug of coffee in his hands, waiting for his sleepiness to ease away—and ends up drawing _something_ out of his subconscious.

_Oh, I actually look forward to Friday dinners with the team now (though they’ll never hear that from me)._

_Oh, I’m craving Onigiri Miya today (Miya Osamu’s onigiris are the epitome of heavenly and really are the best)._

_Oh, thank god for Komori Motoya (it’s troublesome he’s visiting without a one day notice but the week’s been terrible and I always miss him being around, which I’ll definitely not admit to him out loud)._

It happened subtly. _Naturally_. An _oh_ and the sharpening awareness of a tender, stirring emotion that was surely not there before. 

It happened, funnily enough, when Kiyoomi had to say goodbye. Of all times, really.

✈️

The MSBY Black Jackals had all come to bid Atsumu a temporary farewell, the latter having signed up to play in America for the meantime.

 _To polish my skills some more,_ was what Atsumu answered in his multiple going away interviews.

 _To get away from you lot,_ was what he’d quip in the locker room whenever the members clowned him about everything and nothing, the quota and noise of their banter increasing as Atsumu’s last day with the team crept closer.

 _To see what else is out there,_ was the truth that Atsumu admitted to Kiyoomi the week before as the two of them walked back to the Black Jackal’s apartment complex. And Kiyoomi simply understood.

Atsumu’s decision may have shaken up the V.League, it may have been overanalyzed by many— _TOP STORIES: Top 2 V.League Setter, Miya Atsumu, aims for the USA; Short‐term or for good?, MSBY’s Miya Atsumu to follow CA San Juan’s Oikawa Tooru’s footsteps?_ —but it made sense. Because all Atsumu’s ever known were the Black Jackals and Osaka, dedicating himself to the team and making the city his home at the age of eighteen. Compared to Bokuto Koutarou who was a part of a different team before joining the BJ’s, to Hinata Shoyo who trained in Brazil, and to Kiyoomi who had his collegiate years under his belt.

Atsumu always only had volleyball.

Atsumu now wanted volleyball and more.

Kiyoomi watched his teammates surround their obnoxious yet cherished setter, being loud with their greetings. He chose to distance himself from the group, standing by for the chance to approach when there were fewer people around the athlete.

All things considered, Kiyoomi didn’t have to be a part of Atsumu’s sendoff entourage. He could have merely sent him a text. It’s what Kiyoomi would’ve preferred. It’s what he usually did to people (his normal greeting would be a _take care_ text; Atsumu alongside Bokuto and Hinata and Motoya were exceptions to his standard, polite messages).

Yet, Hinata and Bokuto had ambushed him after Monday practice to beg (read: to annoy) him to come with them. Kiyoomi was in the midst of mulling over the pros and cons of willingly going to the infernal airport when Atsumu spoke up in that flippant drawl of his, “Stop bugging him, you two. Didn’t you know? Omi‐Omi’s secretly thrilled I’m leaving.” He even winked at Kiyoomi because his statement wouldn’t be complete without him being cheeky.

And maybe it was the challenge in his tone—to prove him right? To prove him otherwise? Either way? Maybe it was the camaraderie they all undeniably had (from their past rivalries, present proximity, and overall familiarity due to volleyball, volleyball, and volleyball). Or maybe it was the flicker of hurt the other’s eyes had betrayed which Kiyoomi noticed.

For some reason, Kiyoomi agreed to go in the end.

He idly observed Hinata and Bokuto hug— _cling to_ —Atsumu before ambling to a nearby convenience store. He was in no rush as he wandered the cramped aisles, and, thankfully, they had what he was looking for. When he returned, his teammates were more subdued and huddled to one side, the older ones comforting a teary‐eyed Hinata and Bokuto by teasing them.

Osamu was the one now beside his brother, but upon seeing Kiyoomi he seemed to pause. He stepped aside in a flash, though not before smacking his sibling on the head.

Atsumu gave his twin a death glare. His expression only shifted when Kiyoomi approached him, at a distance a few inches closer compared to the wide gap he normally maintained with others.

Miya Atsumu smirked and sneered and grinned, Kiyoomi knew all of it. Which was why he had to blink once, twice, thrice because the Miya Atsumu in front of him beamed at him.

Kiyoomi blinked for the fourth time and _there_ was Atsumu’s usual cocky grin, “Aren’t you going to give me a goodbye hug too, Omi?”

 _This_ was the attitude he was familiar with, “You wish, Miya.”

Atsumu laughed. He found amusement in a lot of the things Kiyoomi said and did and did not do.

“Cold as usual, Omi.”

“You’re only leaving for two years, I don’t think that warrants a hug.”

“And what does it take to earn a hug from the one and only Sakusa Kiyoomi?”

Kiyoomi doesn’t remember the last time he hugged anyone, family and few close friends included. Having no definite answer, he pushed the packet into Atsumu’s hand instead.

There was a delighted look on Atsumu’s face as he reached for what was inside, “A goodbye gift? For me? Forget the goodbye hug!”

Kiyoomi shoved his hands in his pockets, mumbling he shouldn’t expect much when Atsumu pulled out the hand sanitizer keychain. He occupied himself with adjusting his mask while the other excitedly examined his “goodbye gift.”

He shrugged, trying to look and feel nonchalant, “You don’t have the one I gave you on your bag." He also tried not to sound accusatory.

Kiyoomi had originally given Atsumu a red hand sanitizer keychain, when he got tired of nitpicking Atsumu’s habit of not washing his hands before meals, and later on he got exasperated because Atsumu always asked him for sanitizer. The red bottle had hung on Atsumu’s duffel bag or backpack ever since.

Atsumu glanced at his bag and chuckled, “That’s because I packed it in my suitcase,” He flapped his hand in explanation, “With the connecting flights and all.”

"Then what’s the purpose of it if it’s hidden in your bag," Kiyoomi said, frowning.

Atsumu rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry, I’ll use it diligently while I’m in America.” He did a cross my heart gesture, which he didn’t have to because Kiyoomi knew Atsumu's ingrained a (better) hygiene routine by now. Atsumu continued, “I just don't want to lose it. It was from you, after all.”

_Oh._

It wasn’t as if sanitizer was expensive. Or that big of a deal (to most people, to Kiyoomi it was a big deal). Wordlessly, Kiyoomi reached for the bottle and clipped it on Atsumu’s backpack. He tugged on it a few times, testing to see if it would fall off. He even yanked the bag, left, right, up, down, making Atsumu laugh again (again, Kiyoomi didn’t really do anything funny).

“You can stop now. My bag's pretty heavy. I’m now confident I won’t be losing it,” Atsumu said, applying a small amount of sanitizer to his palm. Kiyoomi didn’t miss his pleased look at the fruity scent.

Atsumu mentioned once that he disliked the strong smell of the typical sanitizers, having been stuck in the hospital for a mind‐numbing few weeks due to a broken leg and arm during his high school days.

Kiyoomi suddenly became wary he was taking too long to talk to him. He glanced at their companions, who didn’t seem bothered and were just letting them be.

He cleared his throat to finally say what he needed to say, what he came for to say—a simple _goodbye, Miya_ —when he was literally jostled out of his thoughts.

“Woah there,” Atsumu had a firm grip on his elbow, gently tugging him away from a crowd of rushing passersby, “You okay there, Omi?”

His gaze was searching his body, his face, looking for a sign of injury or discomfort as if by instinct. When Kiyoomi stayed silent, Atsumu tsked, “You gotta be more careful now, Omi. I won’t be around anymore for you.”

_Oh._

He meant it to be a tease. It was supposed to be a tease. That flippant drawl of his was evident when he spoke.

So why did it feel like there was something swirling in Kiyoomi’s chest? There was that ever-present vexation at everything Atsumu said and did and did not do. But there were also traces of sadness? And nostalgia? The sensation was a sinking and growing feeling all at once, his head spinning from thoughts he couldn't grasp. Did he manage to catch a disease in this _godforsaken_ place?

Despite his confusion, Kiyoomi managed to say, “It’s just two years, Miya.”

There it was again, Atsumu beaming at him, his voice having a much softer tone, “Yeah, it’s just two years.”

For once, Kiyoomi let himself really look at the other, considering it would be his last chance in a long time to do so.

Atsumu was wearing his favorite loungewear, completing the look with a fox neck pillow (which was an _actual_ and _proper_ goodbye gift from his former Inarizaki teammates), all ready for his seven-or-so hour flights and layovers in between. Besides the backpack on his shoulders, he also had a duffel bag where his stuffed toy of the MSBY mascot peeked out a bit (another _actual_ and _proper_ goodbye gift from Hinata and Bokuto).

Kiyoomi was merely glad Atsumu listened when he suggested that he should pack a second carry-on with extra clothes and stuff because what if his suitcases get involved in a mix-up and he's stuck in god-knows-where with only a carry-on full of snacks. Atsumu whined that _that_ would be highly unlikely but still took the advice because he knew Kiyoomi had a point.

Atsumu had dropped his stare to his scuffed sneakers, giving Kiyoomi a view of the back off his head. He could see the part of Atsumu’s hair that frizzed and stuck out without fail. It always bothered Kiyoomi, and Atsumu oftentimes didn’t notice it.

He automatically reached out to smoothen it out. It was soft, the bleached hair bright even in the airport lights. Kiyoomi sometimes thought red wasn’t Atsumu’s color, gold suited him better.

Atsumu also tried to fix it out of habit, accidentally brushing Kiyoomi’s hand. Kiyoomi didn’t let his hand fall away. Atsumu slowly wrapped his fingers around the back of Kiyoomi’s hand, mumbling, “I keep forgetting to put pomade on that part. What am I gonna do without you, huh, Omi?”

Kiyoomi looked at his eyes last. He admittedly can’t last too long peering into them. There was a nervousness of seeing what those eyes held.

 _Determination,_ for volleyball.

 _Mischief,_ whenever he's with Hinata and Bokuto.

 _Adoration,_ for Osamu (discreet but it’s there at all times).

And for Kiyoomi, it ranged from _glee_ to _frustration._

Now, there was only _affection._ So open and overwhelming as Atsumu gazed at him.

_Oh._

Without hesitation, Kiyoomi moved to interlace their fingers, giving Atsumu’s hand a light squeeze, and finally said, “Goodbye, Atsumu.” Stepping away abruptly but as casually as he could.

There was a stillness that washed over him as he moved back to the side.

It was when Atsumu walked away that Kiyoomi realized it.

That it wasn’t a spur of the moment or fleeting thing. It was something that’s been _ingrained_ in him. The two years of Atsumu being a constant in his life—and the years before—coming to a forefront in his mind.

There was no panic or denial because the naked truth was for all the exasperation and perplexity he's felt for Atsumu, there was _something_ underlying it all. Maybe it's been there for a long time, and maybe it'll continue to be there for a long time.

It happened just like that. Though, Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t do anything drastic about it. Like hop on a plane to follow Atsumu (please, in this economy?).

Instead, Kiyoomi did things his own way. Quietly, thoughtfully, and with purpose.

✈️

**My playlist #13**

by Sakusa Kiyoomi

25 min.

**▶ **gold rush – Taylor Swift** **

_“We meet again, Sakusa. A.K.A. Mr. Number One Ace.”_

“I'm sorry, but who are you?”

_"WHAT? Wh– You– We were at the same training camp a few weeks ago! Stop laughing, ‘Samu!”_

“Is being loud a default for you, Miya?”

_“So you do know me!”_

“Your surname is on your jersey.”

_“Gah– ‘Samu, shut up!”_

“How are you more bothersome compared to when we were in camp.”

_“Aha! You remember me!”_

“Of course.”

_“Oh? How interesting.”_

“You’re not exactly unforgettable with that atrocious hair of yours.”

_“Hey– Kita, Aran I see you laughing. How could you!”_

“Congratulations, Motoya. There’s someone even more annoying than you."

**▶ Otherside – eaJ**

_“Hey, Sakusa. Some of us are heading to the convenience store. Wanna come with?”_

“It’s nearly lights out, Miya.”

_“We got permission from the coaches. Come on! Late night adventures are fun.”_

“I’ll pass.”

_“What if I say Komori’s also going?”_

“Even more so."

_“I'm guessing that's a no. Fine. Is there anything you want or need from the konbini then?”_

“No.”

_“Not even ice cream?”_

“... No.”

_“You hesitated. Don't worry, I'll get you ice cream! Bye, Sakusa!”_

“Miya, p–”

⏭

“Thanks, Motoya. But you didn’t have to get me this much.”

_“Oh, you should be thanking Miya! I only pointed out the flavors you like.”_

“... I suddenly don’t want them.”

_“Kiyoomi, we both know you can never resist– Wow, he did buy a lot. Anyway, are you really going to say no to yukimi daifuku and garigarikun and coolish and–”_

“Give me those.”

_“I think it’s sweet he got you all of these.”_

“Please stop talking.”

**▶ Day 1 – HONNE**

_“It’s a surprise seeing you here, Sakusa.”_

“Miya.”

_“Thought you were more of an Adlers guy.”_

“I wasn’t able to make it to their tryouts.”

_“Ha. The BJ’s are like your second choice then? Wait ‘til I tell the rest of the guys.”_

“I said no such thing. Both the Adlers and MSBY were my #1 picks.”

_“I’m flattered, Sakusa.”_

“I was referring to the team.”

_“I know. Why? Were you thinking of something else?”_

“... No.”

_“You’re still the same, Sakusa. So easy to tease.”_

“If you must know, there’s just something about your face that irritates me easily.”

_“Does that mean you find ‘Samu annoying, too?”_

“No, just you.”

_“Oi, now that’s not fair! You know, you should stop being mean to me seeing that we're going to be teammates.”_

“How about no. And tryouts haven’t even started yet, Miya.”

_“Well, trust me when I say welcome to the team, Sakusa. But don’t tell the others I said that.”_

“If you’re trying to flatter me, it’s not working.”

_“I say that’s a lie. Hey, since you’re gonna be a part of the team, I’ll stop calling you Sakusa. From now on you are Omi!”_

“NO.”

_“It was either that or Kiyo. Omi’s cuter though.”_

“I forbid you from calling me that.”

_“Too late, Omi‐Omi. Where are you going? The gym’s this way.”_

“I’m going to the Adlers and beg them to take me.”

**▶ sway – keepitinside (ft. lanie)**

“Miya, what are you doing here this late? And what’s inside that box? Why are you wearing that hat _–_ Oh no.”

_“Oh yes. I can’t believe you didn’t tell us it was your birthday today! If we knew we would’ve scheduled a birthday dinner after practice!”_

“That’s exactly why I didn’t mention it.”

_“Sho‐kun and Bokkun were devastated when I told them in the group chat.”_

“Who told you it was my birthday today?”

_“Komori.”_

“I suddenly don’t know a Komori Motoya.”

_“Stop being dramatic, Omi. Don’t worry, the team’s not on their way to barge here tonight.”_

“Thank god.”

_“We’ll celebrate together tomorrow!”_

“End me now.”

_“Raincheck on that, we wouldn’t want that to happen after the effort I did to get your favorite cake.”_

“... You got me a matcha mille crepe cake?”

_“Yes, I got you that expensive as fuck cake you love so much from that really far bakery. I made it one minute before their closing time and lucky me there was only one of it left.”_

“... What are you doing?”

_“Lighting the candles! Smile for the camera, Omi. I’m obligated to send a video to Komori. Okay, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OMI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY–”_

“I wholeheartedly wish for you to stop singing.”

_“No can do, I have to finish the song. Where was I? Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR OMI!”_

“PLEASE STOP.”

_“I’m nearly done. Wait– NO, OMI, THE CAKE!”_

▶ **Morning – Ame no Parade**

“Alright, movie's finished. Please leave my apartment now, Miya.”

_“Can’t you just let me stay the night? Just this once, Omi?”_

“No.”

_“Come on! ‘Samu and ‘Kaashi kicked me out of my own damn apartment and I’d really rather not go back there right now. Or, maybe, ever.”_

“... You can stay for tonight, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting you stay forever.”

_“You’re the best, Omi! Did you know that?”_

“Yes, I actually do.”

_“So full of yourself.”_

“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that. Stay here, I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow.”

_“Or you can just let me sleep in your bed with you.”_

“Get out.”

⏭

“Hey, Miya. Wake up. We have practice in two hours.”

_“Hng, five more minutes.”_

“No.”

_“...”_

“Five minutes. And if you don’t get up I will not hesitate to pour water on you.”

_“‘Mkay.”_

“...”

_“...”_

“I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast, Atsumu.”

_“...”_

“...”

_“YOU CALLED ME ATSUMU.”_

“I did no such thing. Maybe you were dreaming, Miya.”

▶ **You Make Me Feel Brand New – BRADIO**

“I should’ve said I was sick.”

_“Be careful what you wish for, Omi. I got service ace first from the last match, remember? Loser does whatever the winner says.”_

“I’d do anything else than go in there.”

_“Anything else, you say?”_

“I take it back. By anything else I mean I’d rather hug Bokuto.”

_“Why not hug me instead?”_

“...”

_“Please stop making that face, you’ll scare the children.”_

“I’m wearing a mask, Miya.”

_“Still scary.”_

“Then you shouldn’t have taken me to a fucking amusement park.”

_“You said you’ve never been to one. Ever! How can I just ignore that?”_

“I– Let’s just get this over with.”

_“That’s the spirit! Let’s first pass by the souvenir shop. We should get headbands. Wanna get matching ones?”_

“I am not wearing a silly headband.”

_“Omi, yes.”_

“Miya, no.”

_“Oh my god, Omi. We have to get[these](https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/738168195152315749/).” _

“THOSE ARE NOT HEADBANDS. MIYA. ATSUMU. GET AWAY FROM ME.”

**▶ Comfortable – Alessia Cara**

_“Okay, I think it’s time for a break. Let’s eat dinner first before we continue, Omi.”_

“We can eat later. I wanna finish The Haunting of Bly Manor before Motoya does. He just texted me he’s on episode six already. Six. We’re still on episode five, Atsumu.”

_“Fine, you can continue watching. I’ll make dinner then.”_

“... You sure?”

_“Yeah, I don’t mind. I can hear the sounds anyway while in the kitchen.”_

“... If you say so.”

_“Any special request for dinner?”_

“Udon?”

_“Alright. Don’t get too scared while I’m gone.”_

“If I remember correctly, you were the one who screamed first.”

_“If I remember correctly, you were the one who held my hand first.”_

“Whatever, Miya.”

_“Is that a blush I see, Omi?"_

“I can’t hear you, I have a show to watch.”

✈️

**＞** **playlist link**

_Delivered_

Kiyoomi cradled his cup of tea in his hands. He didn’t feel any jitters from pressing the send button. Nor was there the impulse to fling his phone off the balcony followed by himself (only a little).

For the most part, there was only a warmth that made him feel calm and light.

He didn’t really say anything, yet he believed Atsumu would get what he’s trying to say.

The marker for his message goes from read to a typing bubble thirty minutes later.

Kiyoomi knew that Atsumu knew.

A not‐quite‐confession, but one that was enough. Loud and clear.

An unspoken promise, but one that was more than enough because it’s simply true.

Kiyoomi took a sip of his white tea, thinking, _see you soon, Atsumu._

**Author's Note:**

> all i can say is i tried. if you reached this far, thank you! 💛🖤
> 
> some tidbits about the fic:  
> • i just think for all the bickering that makes up sakuatsu's dynamic, i absolutely love the idea of them being a really soft pair D:  
> • i don't recall seeing clarification on who were the top #1 & #2 aces (i know the rankings don't matter much, still, i wonder sometimes) but there was that episode when they were mentioned it went like "ushijima ＞ kiryu ＞ sakusa" and my brain went "second year sakusa as the best ace,,, sir,,," 😂 (please correct me if i'm wrong though!)  
> • remember how in the manga sakusa was impressed with ushijima's personal hygiene (and handkerchief). i couldn't help myself so i present to you atsumu with sanitizer LOL  
> • the name of the playlist is the default title on s p o t i f y (if you check). the # being atsumu's jersey number could be a pure coincidence or sakusa deliberately set it that way. who knows 👀 (you can believe whichever of the two)  
> • i didn't expect the flashback dialogues would be that long but then i couldn't bring myself to shorten them because i enjoyed writing (and rereading) them. i hope they were understandable
> 
> thank you so much again! until next time x


End file.
